Question: Why Do I Always Feel Like I Have To Defend Myself?

What’s the difference between being defensive and defending yourself?

Being defensive is about keeping people out (and guarding yourself about the information they are giving you), while setting boundaries is about taking the information in and protecting yourself—and potentially protecting the relationship from further harm.

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How do you deal with someone who always feels attacked?

How can you help someone stop their defensive reactions?Refrain from reacting defensively. … Shift your focus to the other person. … Ask questions until you understand them. … Move toward a resolution.

Why are people so defensive?

Defensive behavior might stem from a tough childhood or traumatic past, which can make a person more likely to “react through a negative lens,” said Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, a psychotherapist and founder of Love and Life Toolbox.

Why being defensive is bad?

Rather than preventing you from aggression or attack, defensive behaviors can create animosity or distrust towards you that may not have been there before. This can lead to a vicious cycle of defending, frustrating, guarding against future frustration, and causing more bad feelings.

Why is a person so defensive?

People react defensively because they anticipate or perceive a threat in their environment, not usually because they’re just wanting to be difficult. Unfortunately, defensive behavior creates a reciprocal cycle. … Defensive behavior can be a complex and murky issue.

How do I stop defending myself?

How to Stop Getting DefensiveRemind yourself of your deepest values. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. … See criticism as a sign of others’ belief in your abilities. … Cultivate a growth mindset. … In the moment, buy time. … Use classic: “I” statements.

How do you defend yourself in talking?

Even if you don’t feel very sure of yourself, try to force an aura of confidence so the other person can’t tell how you’re really feeling. You’ll probably have more trouble defending yourself if you appear nervous or unsure. In any conversation, to make eye contact, stand up straight, and speak in a slow, even tone.

What is it called when someone tries to make you feel bad?

They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting. … Gaslighting can come from a romantic partner, a boss, a friend, or anyone else.

Why do I always have to explain myself?

We offer (or don’t) an explanation of our choices for a variety of reasons. We can be motivated by fear, guilt, or self-doubt. We can also be honoring ourselves and others. … Becoming more aware of the reasons behind my urge to explain myself helps me make better choices about how much to share.